Interview

I have a interview for an apprenticeship this friday and I am SHITTING myself! I am terrible at interviews, I get so nervous and panicky and end up rambling. But I so want this job, I need out of my current job, it's so shit and I end up annoyed half the time, the people there are just so rude and bitchy.
I ate far too much yesterday, and I'm not doing much better today either. There's stupid cake left over from Sunday and I want to eat it all :( I keep feeling like I'm going to binge, and I'm trying so hard not to but for some stupid reason I can't just have a little slice, I have to keep picking and picking at it until I've eaten far too much. So now I am just working out on the stepper as much as I can until work, at the same time as preparing for the interview. Urgh too much and my head is gonna explode but it'll be worth it I know it. I want to be thin and in a job that I'm not ashamed of. Can I do it? :/
Stay strong beautiful girls x

137.6

It's going dowwwwwn! :) This makes me very very happy :) *boingboingboingboing* sorry I has happys. Two more pounds and I'll have reached my first mini goal :) I have mini goals every 5 pounds with rewards alternating between material and fooooood.
At 135 I get new pjs
130 Chocolate
125 Jewellery
120 Takeaway with the bf
115 New Lingerie, New Sims game
110 Cake, McDonalds
105 New DVD, new jeans
100 Baking Day, takeaway, alcohol
95 Denim shorts, accessory, DVD
90 Big Toblerone, Pasta, Ice cream
84 Pamper day, binge day, shopping spree

At 115 the rewards get good, so that's what I'm most looking forward to ^^
I still feel really shitty and ill and have a long shift tonight with one of the most annoying girls ever, who also happens to be my boyfriend's ex and the girl who broke two of my close friends hearts. I act civil towards her but she seems to think I really like her, it's like fuck the hell off you freak. She told people where her and my bf used to work that he was gay and also got her pregnant (total bull cos she was on the pill and using a condom, and never made my bf orgasm- he claims, though I dunno why he would lie). Now she's spreading the same bull where I work with her, and I'm worried people will think badly of my bf and he seriously is the nicest guy, it's not fair to him. But I have this thing where I can't be rude to people or confront people. I dunno why, I'm just a pussy I guess. Another thing that sucks about her is she is tiny. I mean she's like 5'0 and is so tiny she looks like she might break if you tapped her. On the plus side, she is way ugly. She looks like a pale little rat. Sorry for the rant, she just angers me :)

Hope everyone is doing really well :)
xxxx

Ill

I hate being ill. I really really hate it :( Especially cos my asthma is so bad, it always affects my lungs three times as badly as anyone else. Right now, just standing up in making me gasp for breath, that's how tight my chest is :( Really not looking forward to my shift tonight, and the walk home -.- Gonna be a long day.

Bright side, feeling so shit that I really don't want to eat (plus we're completely out of everything basically) I managed a few spoonfuls of oatmeal. But I think the rest of the day will be lots of nice warm tea, honey and lemon (when I get some honey :P) and some sugarfree jelly this evening. Will spend as much time as possible in bed. Still managed an hour on the stepper yesterday, but today I just feel worse, so laziness may have to prevail.

Hope everyone is doing good today :)

138.8lbs

Digital Scales read 138.8lbs this morning. Mechanical scales still say 128lbs. Have got the boyfriend's cold or the one going around at work. Not sure. Feel like ass. Had a huge coughing fit last night when I was in bed with the bf. And I mean huge barking coughs that completely shook my body so hard I got bright spots behind my eyelids. Chest is so tight this morning, nose is blocked, feel congested and gross. Want chocolate. Now. Urgh.

Just need to get through my shift tonight and I get a day off to sleep. Then after another two shifts I has another day off and I'm going to see my parents and make them dinner. I'm so getting/making a cake. Nom.

Going to go die for half an hour before I have to go to work. Bleurghhhhhhh

Welcome to the Wonderful 130s :)

Hey all,

Yesterday I finally weighed in below 140lbs on the digital scales first thing in the morning! Okay, only 139.4, but it's progress and I have to take it. Mechanical scales still say the same but hey :) Had another day off yesterday but was because my boyfriend starts his new job today and we wanted a celebratory meal and I thought it would be ok cos it's a special occasion :) Not weighing myself today in case I gained from yesterday so I'll update in a few days I expect.

My stepper finally arrived today! It's beautiful and pink! :') I'm gonna try and work out until I have to go to work at 3.30pm so I've got about 2 and a half hours :) Gonna try getting ready while working out on it so that should be hilarious :') I spent my morning waiting for the delivery cleaning the house, cos my housemates keep leaving a tip, even scrubbed out the sink and cleaned all the counter tops in the kitchen. I feel like a very good girl today :')

Not eaten too much either, calories are around 300 for the day, and I'll only have a diet coke on my break at work and then some low calorie jelly when I get home I expect :)

I'd better say gooooodbye for now, much exercising to get done before I go to work ;)

Think Thin Beautiful Ladies

xxxx

Yet more anger at my scales.

So the lovely kind mechanical scales told me I'd dropped another two poundsish- about 128lbs-129lbs, and yet the same time this morning the digital scales still said 140lbs! What the frick? And yet I weighed again just now, after some food and a lot of water and I'm now 139.8lbs on them. What the hell am I meant to think -.- How can I have dropped nearly a stone on one set and only a couple of pounds on another? I've tested the accuracy with a 2kg weight and they're both accurate.... Huh? I'm so confused. And really paranoid I'm like misreading the scales :/
But if I just pay attention to the digital ones, yay that I'm finally below 140 I guess. But I feel like I should have made more progress given how little I'm eating and the PhenSlim pills :/ I just feel fed up and a bit shit really. Why am I so useless? Why can't I lose weight fast and be thin and perfect and beautiful?

Urgh, at work today one of the girls looked at what I was having on my break (black coffee and some fruit) and said 'Is that all you're having? You'll disappear'. I wish. I wish all my disgusting fat would just go, disappear and leave behind a tiny skinny me. I suck.

PhenSlim50 update: Well, if the mechanical scales were right this morning, then the pills really are good. Otherwise, I'm not that impressed so far. Felt a bit more energy than usual at work I suppose. I took two this morning and I felt sick most of the day and had chest pain most of the day. That may just have been being up too early and the black coffee but I dunno, we'll see how it goes.

Stay strong lovelies, hope you're doing better than me.

xxx

Stupid Scales

Well according to my digital scales I am still at fricking 140 though I have dropped .4lbs now :/ The mechanical scales say I've dropped another pound or 2, so I'm about 131lbs according to them -.- Wish I could just go with them, but tbh the scales that say I'm heavier are more likely to be true, I can't be this fat and not weigh a lot. So I still need to drop 20lbs before I'm even in the 'not fat' category :/ Sucks.

My news on the PhenSlim50 pills so far? Not noticed that much difference honestly... I've had a bit more energy I think but not significantly, I still fell asleep at half two with the boyfriend. My hunger hasn't noticeably reduced either, but tbh I'd be terrified if I didn't have hunger pains, I'd be worried my body had gone into starvation mode and that I was going to gain weight, so that's fine. Obviously not much difference in weight so far but maybe that will change when I can exercise more (stepper will hopefully be here by Monday, if not I'm gonna go crazy :/).

Today I've only had some mini salt and vinegar rice cakes, sf jelly and fruit.... and I ate some frosting from the cake I brought the BF yesterday (apparently chocolate cake is the cure for manflu and I can't deny him anything when he's all adorable at me -.-) Stupid sugar is my major weakness. When I was a binge eater, I used to get through two 200g bars of Dairy Milk in one day, no problem. Chocolate is beyond awesome. Dammit to hell. Hopefully being at work tomorrow for some of the day will help me avoid the evil cake. But I'm at work stupidly early tomorrow until early afternoon, so I'll be shattered, plus no boyfriend in the afternoon/evening to stop me pigging out :/ I have hair dye so I think if I get too close to eating crap I'll just go and lock myself in the bathroom for a couple of hours to sort my hair. Then all I can have is water.

The doctor put me on antibiotics yesterday, cos I've had this skin infection under my arms (I know, lovely right) for a while that keeps coming back. But because I have to take four a day, and you can't eat for an hour after (and take on an empty stomach- not hard :P) so it's a good excuse for work and with the bf, but it's making it annoying, cos when I know I'm not allowed to eat for an hour, all I can think about is eating -.- Another thing that has been bugging me today, I've been fucking freezing all day since I got out of bed to see my boyfriend off to work (it seems his manflu was not terminal ;) ) at half nine this morning. And it's a lovely day outside, but I'm shivering inside with pjs and a cuddly hoodie on and hiding under my quilt -.- I'm not thin so I shouldn't be this fucking cold, it's ridiculous. When my boyfriend got back for his break ( he was on a split shift today so got home at like half two and then went back at five) I practically forced him into bed and curled up on his chest to try and defrost. He even put up with my cold feet on his legs bless him. He really does put up with a lot from me :') But as soon as he went I was cold again :( So I've had to have a boiling hot shower and am now managing without the hoodie but still under the quilt with a hot water bottle... Weird.

Anyhoo, time for me to shurrup and leave you poor people alone :P Hope everyone's doing awesome and feeling happyful. Much love to you all :)