Too Early

Bleurgh, I hate this time in the morning.

Anyhoo, today I am fasting. Normally hard on a work day but I'm finishing before lunch today, and ill wander round town instead of going home so I can avoid food.

Ill go to the gym for an hour or two this evening as well and hopefully it'll pay off.
However, I took two diet pills (raspberry ketone) this morning and dear god they make me feel queasy. Urgh, clearly not a good plan on a fast day, but I need the caffeine and energy to keep awake :/

I dreamt about my ex last night, him basically apologizing and saying all the things I want to hear, and I knew if they dream had continued we would have got back together and everything. So waking up to reality this morning really sucked. I just miss him so much, and I want things to be good again. I want him to love me. I want to be good enough.
So I will keep trying.
I will restrict and exercise until I am thin. Until I am beautiful. Maybe then he will care. Or at least tell me why he had to break me.

My best, and only real, friend hasn't even spoken to me in weeks. I keep texting. She keeps ignoring.
I feel so completely alone.
And completely worthless.

If not even my friend can stick me, I must be pretty fucking worthless. Unlovable.

Sorry for the mad ramble :/ guess that's what early mornings bring out in me.
Clearly I should stay in bed. Always.

Anyway, much love as always.
Hope you are all doing a lot better than stupid me.

Think thin.
A.
X