100000lbs?

I feel fat fat fatty fat today. More so than usual today. I'm refusing to weigh myself atm, I'm so convinced I've gained. I'm sure I'm back to 142 at the very least, if not higher. I just feel disgusting. I haven't even binged really so I don't know why I'm so worried but god I feel fat. I tried on my old jogging bottoms earlier (brought them when I was 118lbs, and they were tight then) and urgh. I mean I can get them on and I can fasten them and everything but they're pulled so tights over my fat disgusting thighs and fucking hips that I'm sure if I wore them to actually exercise in that they'd tear right off and I'd be left showing my wobbly blobby fat to the world. Bleurgh.

Me and the boyfriend have promised to start going to the gym once I've started at my new job. Will probably be a week or so into the job so I'm settled etc. But yay! I'm hoping to go about twice a week, though the boyfriend says he'll only go once, so I'll have to face scary people on my own and apparently the gym we're going to is very male oriented so that should be fun -.-' As long as they have some cardio stuff it's all good.
Another good thing with the job is I'll be walking about two hours every weekday, about twenty minutes from my house to the train station, then from the train station at the other end it's like 40 minutes to get to the workplace. So I'll get nice and exercised. Plus I can just take salad with me, and lots of water, and I won't have access to any other food so I'll be nice and distracted all day :) Then I won't get home till like gone 6 I expect, so I'm hoping the boyfriend will have had dinner and I can just grab a cuppa and relax with him :) Should be a lot easier to lose weight. And bf wants to have his gym day on Saturday so we'll hopefully go out during the day before we head to the gym in the night and any crap I eat I can work off and then Sunday we'll probably get food shopping so I can avoid it for half the day and then just either have a high cal day or can just be a slightly higher but still restricted day :)

I like this plan.

I really want to be skinny and beautiful for summer. I want to have a holiday with the boyfriend (God knows how we'd afford it but hey) and I want to be happy in a bathing suit and want to have sex on the beach (yes I am now singing it :P). I just want to be completely happy for once.

Stay Thin and beautiful my lovelies
xxx