Still not reached the 130s :(

However, I am now down to 140 exactly, so that's not too bad I guess. I had a day off yesterday, I like to have one every so often just to shake up my metabolism and so I can have some of the fatty food I crave during the diet week ;) I brought loads of crap to eat but after a meal with the bf after work I was too full and feeling too sick to want anything else, so now I have all this unhealthy food in my room that I've got to avoid for at least another week -.-

Also, I feel like a bit of a failure cos the day before, I had takeaway :/ I only ever have healthy stuff from there- plain boiled rice and only plain marinated chicken, no sauce or fatty stuff but I still feel like I should have said no. I'd only had 189 calories

until then and I wasn't even hungry so it seems stupid. I just felt incredibly ill (I think I have flu or something) and my neck was hurting so badly I couldn't move more than a fraction without crying and work had been terrible so I caved. I left almost half of it so that helps me feel a bit better, and I had dropped a pound the next day so I shouldn't beat myself up but I can't help it. Like, so many other people I know are 'dieting' atm and when I see them have junk or unhealthy food I feel disgusted by it. I feel kinda like they should be committed to it properly, and then there I am eating takeaway. I'm a repulsive contradiction.

I took photos that I was going to post on here, but then I looked at them and saw the amount of fucking cellulite on my legs and my ass and oh hell no. I really don't want to be the reason anyone throws up. I look awful. Seriously, someone as short as me and as bottom heavy as me, should not weigh this much. However, I have a picture from when I was 110lbs a year or two ago. I so want to look like this again, but thinner ofc ;)

I have so many pictures from my weight fluctuations over the years. It's a little weird, seeing chubby flabby me and the next second seeing hollow cheeks and prominent collar bones. God I miss those collar bones....

Love and happy thoughts to everyone and anyone whose reading my crappy ramblings... if anyone even is.