Beginnings

After a stuggle with self harm, binge eating, anorexia and bulimia that has spanned that last seven or so years, I find myself once again hating my body to the extent that I am dieting seriously again. The last week or so I have been trying to limit myself to fruit and salt+vinegar rice cakes, and then something light, like two pieces of toast for dinner, but I've slipped up at least two days because of my silly boyfriend. He's been the worst influence on me the last year or so :/ We've been together like a year and a few months and has basically encouraged me to eat more, mainly crap like chocolate and fast food. I stayed at his for a week last summer and every night we ate crap basically. He's made me a lot happier, like I can actually eat in front of people now and I feel a bit better about myself now. But he's really helped the pounds pile on. I'm now back at my highest weight of 140lbs and I hate it. Like, full on makes me sick. I never wanted to be higher than 119lbs, and my size 10 (UK) jeans are tight, and a pair of trousers I brought recently don't even fit now. I refuse to ever be a size 12. I know it's weird but a size 12 is just what I see as huge. Whale like. I do not wanna be that fat.
So here I go. Back on the diet wagon yet again. At the very least I want to get back to 133lbs, which I was before I started dating my lovely boyfriend. Goals are as follows:
1GW 133
2GW 119
3GW 112
4GW 105
UGW 90lbs

I hope I stick to my diet this time. My metabolism are rather shit so I don't lose weight very easily, so I really need to go for it if I'm going to get any results at all. Will try to stick to a mainly fruit and veg diet when possible, with maybe a few fast days.
I persuaded my boyfriend to buy me a mini stepper for a late birthday present and as soon as I can I'm going to invest in some Phen50 tablets which are the most supported diet pills I can find on the web. I'm hoping this will be enough to get me back under 140lbs.
My boyfriend knows all about my eating disorders and my various 'issues', I told him like the first week we were together cos I thought it was only fair that he went into the relationship knowing I was fucked up so he knew who he was dating. A year and a bit later we're living together and I've never been so happy and at ease with someone. But he doesn't like me dieting, or even me not liking my body, it upsets him, so I'm just telling him it's a little diet just to get rid of the excess half a stone/stone, but I'm always a little too honest so I think he might worry :/ I really don't wanna do that because I love him so much, and he deserves a normal girlfriend.
But hey, I also don't want to lose him and if I'm pretty and thin again he will love me more, and I'll feel happier cuddling and having sex and it will be better :)

Sorry for the rambling first post (if anyone is reading which I doubt tbh) but I had a lot to say it seems. Hopefully I will keep up with the blog as well as the diet. In the past I've started so many blogs but never done more than one or two posts -.-
Anyhoo, farewell internet world.